Trusting Him with my desperate heart
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” — 1 Corinthians 2:19
We we’re planning to get married this year. Everything was planned. Waiting nalang sa pamamanhikan and blessings from my parents. I agreed na for a simple wedding basta mahalaga sa akin yung memories kaya I looked for a photoshoot package na mura lang pero may quality. Knowing his character he doesn’t want to have many guests, only important persons in our lives would be enough. He was preparing everything in their house, he even asked his mother to build a beautiful cabinet for us kasi madami daw akong gamit and yung room sa 1st floor will be our office and his gaming room.
Shattered dreams
Until that day happened, unexpected, so sudden yet the most painful day that ever came into my life, our lives, he left me and his family. And up until now it’s hard for me accept it. Never have I imagined that I will experience this kind of pain, it’s hard to endure. I even asked God, “Why him?” I have a lot of whys and what ifs. I feel so hopeless. All our dreams were shattered. A lot has changed. Our plans did not happen the way we expect them to be. He left without even saying goodbye and it gives me so much pain.
Jesus came through
But even in my longingness and hopelessness I still stand at the feet of Jesus. I trust that He will help me. He reminds me that His words will be my source of strength in order to stay motivated and to keep moving forward in this life.
His thoughts and ways are higher
This journey is not easy, the pain is still there. I don’t even know what to do or where to start, all I know is that His thoughts is higher than my thoughts and His ways is higher than my ways, (Isaiah 55:8–9)and I will keep on seeing things from His perspective. I still miss him and I am still longing for his presence, still wanting to hear his voice and see his smile but the Lord embraces me with His loving arms saying that, “Do not let your hearts be troubled, trust in God, trust also in me.” (John 14:1)
The grand wedding
I know Jaycee is with Jesus, the bridegroom (John 3:39). Jaycee’s suffering here on earth faded at the presence of Jesus. Because his life here on earth is nothing in comparison to the glory revealed to Jaycee now that he has seen Jesus face to face, (Romans 8:18) at the grand wedding in heaven.
I will focus on the blessings, carry a song in my heart, and to keep on trusting that even if I don’t understand His ways and His plans, I can still trust His heart.
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Helen Jane Manalo
11/3/2021